Federal crime-fighting is a recession-proof career:

Despite a bleak economic environment featuring wide-ranging layoffs and rising unemployment, the nation’s premier law enforcement agency is touting “one of the largest hiring blitzes in our 100-year history.”

The FBI posted openings for 850 special agents and more than 2,100 professional support personnel. Officials say it’s the largest FBI job posting since immediately after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

Apparently they forsee a spike in activity:

The lengthy list of openings includes positions in finance and accounting, security, intelligence analysis, training and education, nursing and counseling, physical surveillance, electrical engineering, physical and social sciences, and auto mechanics.

Although not mentioned in the article, the Feds are also looking for paralegal, medical/dental office, TV/VCR repair, computers, and hotel/restaurant management. Apply today!

H/T: redwhiteandnews Twitter feed

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Filed under:Profiles in Governance, The Homeland

Apparently, it’s TSA’s turn to feel uncomfortable:

The new blue uniforms issued to Transportation Security Administration officers at hundreds of airports nationwide may have a snazzy look, but they have become a major irritant for some of those employees.

The new uniforms are causing rashes and other irritations among transportation security officers who screen passengers at airports, according to the union representing the workers.

I’m so glad that we’re spending more money so that glorified mall-cops look “snazzy” while extending my travel time to save me from 7oz bottles of lotion–because Jeebus knows how many terrorists have been stopped by the disaffected, gum-smacking, pants-bulging, semi-literate, wand-waving geniuses greeting me every time I come in from a smoke 100 yards away from the front door of the terminal so as not to pollute the air near the 30 idling V8 taxicabs.

I digress.

Last line of the story is classic:

Unlike the old uniforms, [TSA Spokesman Christopher] White added, the new ones come with “a real gold badge.”

Are these serious law enforcement officers or clones of that annoying woman from the Progressive Insurance commericals?  I am infinitely more concerned with TSA’s competence and efficiency than I am about their employees’ bling.

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Filed under:The Homeland, Daily Rant

And doggone it, 225 people like him at least slightly more than the other guy!

From Franken’s statement:

“It has been a remarkable couple of months. Our recount brought national attention to Minnesota, and what Americans saw is that we take our democracy seriously.”

…Seriously enough to elect “Stuart Smalley” to congress, at any rate.

Congrats, Al, on your impressive win (by a 0.0075% margin). Such a clear-cut victory calls for a celebration. Let the Cristal flow!

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Filed under:Mock the Vote

Heh.

The shoes thrown last week at U.S. President George W. Bush have provided an unexpected windfall for the shoemaker who made them.

Sales of the shoes made famous by Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zaidi have soared, with requests pouring in to the Turkish shoemaker from across the world, media reports said Monday.

As a result, Istanbul-based Ramazan Baydan has had to recruit extra staff to meet orders for pairs of the “Model 271 brogues,” Britain’s Daily Mail said.

Although clearly not as ironic as the marketing of Che t-shirts, buying shoes to express anti-U.S. sentiment is certainly amusing.

H/T: Nick Gillespie

Happy Holidays, Freedom lovers! More regular blogging after the New Year.

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Filed under:Consumerism Rulez

Hitler cakes.

The Campbells ultimately got their [Adolf Hitler] cake decorated at a Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania, Deborah Campbell said Tuesday.

Wal-Mart spokeswoman Anna Taylor told The Easton Express-Times that the store won’t put anything illegal or profane on a cake but thinks it’s important to respect the views of customers and employees.

Why on Earth would you buy an Adolf Hitler cake for a 3 year old’s birthday party?

Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.”

Oh. Well, that makes sense. When the child gets to middle school and high school, he may be the first kid whose parents (righteously) get their asses kicked for his fucked up name.

Campbell said he was raised not to avoid people of other races but not to mix with them socially or romantically. But he said he would try to raise his children differently.

Well, that’s ok then. Seems he’s just terribly naive:

The Campbells’ two other children are named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, who turns 2 in a few months, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, who will be 1 in April.

I take that back–he’s a racist ass.

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Filed under:Consumerism Rulez, Pop! Goes the Culture

Yeah. Like I wasn’t going to put this up:

Apparently, this is some sort of terrible insult in their culture. Here in the U.S., we find it childish, yet amusing. Funny thing is, had this guy done this stateside, he’d probably have been shot to death by the Secret Service. (And rightfully so. Criticize him all you like–and you know we do–but throwing projectiles at the POTUS is a pretty surefire way to commit suicide.)

Oh, and props to W. for the quick reflexes and standing his ground.

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Filed under:Politics is Personal, Freedom on Film

Google Earth:

An Indian Court has been called to ban Google Earth amid suggestions the online satellite imaging was used to help plan the terror attacks that killed more than 170 people in Mumbai last month.

A petition entered at the Bombay High Court alleges that the Google Earth service, “aids terrorists in plotting attacks”.

But not those cell phones and Kalashnikov’s they were carrying.

In fairness, Google Earth does blur out sensitive areas such as the White House, military bases, and the crypt where Vice President Cheney sleeps during daylight hours. But its not like these guys couldn’t buy a map, or, I dunno–visit Mumbai and walk around. Google Earth can give you an outline of a building and show you main entrances. It, at best, made the attacks marginally easier.

Think about it: it’s not as if there would be legions of terrorists sitting around bitching because a target is obscured on Google Earth.

“Allah Dammit! Why won’t Allah unblur the eemages on the Google Earth! We cannot Jihad a blur! We’re not Black September, you know!”

Coincidentally, I’m sure:

The complaint comes just weeks after India said it would launch its own version of Google Earth.

Terrorism scapegoated for protectionism. Well done.

The project, dubbed Bhuvan (Sanskrit for Earth), is being developed by the Indian Space Research Organisation (Isro), which is based in Bangalore, the Silicon Valley of the subcontinent.

Sanskrit? Mind-blowing satellite images named in a 5,000 year-old dead language. We obviously haven’t been outsourcing our marketing jobs.

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Filed under:Profiles in Governance

Chicago and Illinois politicians are notorious for their corruption, but this one just might take the cake:

Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris, were arrested today by FBI agents on federal corruption charges.

Blagojevich and Harris were accused of a wide-ranging criminal conspiracy that included Blagojevich conspiring to sell or trade the Senate seat left vacant by President-elect Barack Obama in exchange for financial benefits for the governor and his wife. The governor was also accused of obtaining campaign contributions in exchange for other official actions.

How greedy can you be to SELL A SENATE SEAT OF THE PRESIDENT-ELECT OF THE UNITED STATES?!?!?!? It is a wonder the man is able to walk, given the immeasurable magnitude of his balls. His testicles, the historians will write, are the stuff of legend.

You can find the criminal complaint here. If you need me, I’ll be on the floor, laughing hysterically to the point I may need medical attention.

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Filed under:Profiles in Governance

Well, I think we can assume that she probably trusted the ones that she let in:

The official in charge of keeping Massachusetts ports of entry free of illegal immigration and drug smuggling was arrested yesterday on charges that she repeatedly hired undocumented immigrants to clean her Salem condominium.

No, you read that right. She was arrested for hiring a maid. And a damn good thing too:

US Attorney Michael J. Sullivan said in a statement that it was unconscionable for any Customs and Border Protection employee to be “violating the same immigration laws that they are charged with upholding.”

Unconscionable? Have you seen her place? THAT was unconscionable. No, but really:

Lorraine Henderson, the Boston area port director for the Customs and Border Protection Division of the US Department of Homeland Security, was arrested at her home shortly before 8 a.m. after an eight-month undercover investigation during which a cleaner wore a wire.

Spending eight months to determine if a woman’s maid had a green card is an unconscionable use of taxpayer money and time. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, our immigration policy is completely fucked when we’re arresting people for giving others gainful employment. I mean, regardless of my thoughts on the war on drugs, I can agree that aiding violent drug smugglers is a bad thing. But hiring Juan and Maria (or Raisa or Dmitri or any other name here) to clean your apartment hardly rises to the level of “unconscionable” in my book.

If she mistreated them (e.g., turned them into pseudo-slaves) I’ll be more sympathetic to the government’s case. But if she let some hard-luck people trying to find a better life for themselves make ends meet arriving in a new country, the U.S. Attorney’s office needs to be taught the proper definition of “unconscionable.”

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Filed under:Profiles in Governance, The Homeland

It is good to know that in our current recession, our Lord and Savior is still, at heart, a capitalist:

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Filed under:Consumerism Rulez, Jesus is Magic